Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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