I love black thongs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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