I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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