Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am puke
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
