you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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