Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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