I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Houston, we have a blender
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
