Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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