Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
