Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
