Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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