He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
