saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
