Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
