Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Your dad touched me again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
