Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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