I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
