Will you blow on my dice?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
