Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize