i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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