My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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