Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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