you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
