I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
