I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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