This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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