I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
