Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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