I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
