i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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