mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize