I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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