areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
