"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
4 words: hood of his car
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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