I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
