sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
