Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
