dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
