I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
two words: eviction party
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i now understand why vodka
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
