i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
