never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
