He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sponge bath it is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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