I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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