just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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