yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
