A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
tell me about the eggs
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