i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
