Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
