I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
