so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
