Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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