Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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