seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
