Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
