I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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