So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
