He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
