I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
