The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The struggles of a small town man whore
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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