i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
