I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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