chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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