Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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