Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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