I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
