I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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