2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
