I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you had me at cake vodka
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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